Friday, June 17, 2016

Meat by Opal Carew

1 Star

What’s that? We should all go to NetGalley and request alllllllll the pornos, you say? Sure! I’m right behind yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo . . . .

Once again, it didn’t take much more than the title to get me to press the ol’ clickity click. You do realize what is being talked about in a book like this with a title like Meat, right?????

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And when I found out it was about a dominating alpha male in the form of a chef????

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Don’t tell me you haven’t fantasized about Gordo calling you a “bloody donkey” in the best way possible too. But then I actually read the book and I was all . . .

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So many problems. To begin with, this was short. I mean REALLY short. I’d let you know the exact length, but unfortunately it’s not referenced anywhere. I can assure you, however, that it is waaaaaay shorter than Rex’s wang which was the equivalent of a baby’s arm with an apple plum at the top. Now, short is not necessarily the worst thing in the world, but to try and cram a full plot into this was like playing a record on the wrong speed. Bet I lost half of you there. A record? What a dinosaur I am! Translation is this puppy was on fast-forward so there was a LOT happening (like the meet/cute to the one-nighter when they couldn’t even slow down to put on a rubber to the second (not so) meet/cute to the luuuuuuuurv to the dun dun dunnnnnnnnn to the big reveal to the high speed finish), but not much of it was really talked about. Except the sex. That was talked about. A lot. Using words like . . .

“slick petals” and “thick corona” and “back passage” and “suckle” . . .

And also . . .

“His big tongue glided over her again, enthusiastic and thorough.”

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I’d say I learned my lesson, but today I logged back on again and found I had a “wish granted” for a different porno that I had completely forgot I even requested. I have a shame . . .

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you, NetGalley!

Kathleen is the porn pusher this go 'round. She hasn't even finished this one yet so I don't know if she liked it or hated it, but I covered my ass by shoving her back over to NetGalley and not letting her leave until she requested another porn in order to balance it all out. She's also the person whose review got me to "wish" for the other book I forgot about so you'll be seeing her name quite frequently. She's the worst best ; )

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