Monday, May 16, 2016

Hustler by Meghan Quinn and Jessica Prince

2 Stars
If you know me you already know that I hardly ever read synopses or book blurbs. I am woman enough to admit that I added Hustler to my want-to-reads for one reason and one reason alone – DAT COVER! In all honesty, actually there were a couple of other reasons – (1) I have a massive girl-crush on Meghan Quinn and her books have always been the best kind of fluff, and (2) I somehow read the word hustler and my old lady self thought it was going to be a book about . . . .

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Don’t ask. The only explanation is that either my brain hates me or it really wants to read a story about a male prostitute who finds love. I realized my mistake before even starting and then was excited to read a smexytimes story about this . . .

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Once again I was mistaken. (I thought a good poker player was called a card shark?????) Anway, it didn’t take long to realize . . .

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Turns out this story was not about Fast Eddie Felsen, but rather it was about a CARD SHARK named Gavin who not only is a professional high-stakes poker player but somehow has a job that suspends reality and has him working for a casino as an under-the-table kind of loss leader expert to make sure no one is cheating . . .

Forget about the fact that that would never happen and allow me to introduce you to the leading lady. When Nell moved to Vegas she had big dreams of becoming a star in one of the Cirque productions. Unable to get her big break, she’s had to settle for a job that pays her bills . . . .

Just kidding. She’s a waitress in the high stakes poker room. It’s there she meets Gavin and eventually gets to the hibbidy dibbidy.

As I said, I really have loved every other Meghan Quinn book. This one just did not work at all for me, however. Allow me to ‘splain myself.

1. Sassy leading ladies. I dig ‘em. EXCEPT when said sass-mouth (and her parents she helps support) would be living on the street if she lost her job. I’m all for talk like this . . .

“Two fingers of whiskey.”

“Hmmmm . . . I was kind of hoping you were a three fingers kind of man.”

Until she follows it up with behavior that is more relatable to a petulant teen than a grown-ass woman.

2. Alpha males. I dig ‘em too. Especially when they are werewolves or ride motorcycles. But this dude? He was just a douche.

3. Dirty talk. I don’t dig it. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, I can generally stop my eyes from rolling and just gloss over it. This time, though? Dude had zero class. You talk about my kitty and your rooster in public around people I know you’re going to be answering one question - what did the five fingers say to the face motherf*&^%$!!!!

4. Nick Bateman. Believe me when I say that most women who read pornos have no problem casting the lead in their head. That being said, the author IS NOT ALLOWED to do it for us. Especially when it’s Nick Bateman. He is reserved for only my most delicious of fantasies (*cough Ugly Love cough*). Name dropping him as the role of Gavin was pornographic blasphemy.

In case anyone is interested, I pulled my back out a week ago and laid in bed watching reality television all day since I couldn’t get up. In my head, Gavin was TOTALLY Craig from Southern Charm. Super douchey, but still bangable. Kind of like this guy . . .

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Only less stabby.

5. Which brings me to my final issue which is kind of a crockpot full of failure stew due to all of the above. The sex was just not sexy for me. I don’t want to be ass-slapped without knowing it’s coming. I don’t want to hear how tight my meow meow is. I don’t want to know how dude brah could really fill up a rubber with his man juice. My poor lady garden. She had much disappoint . . .

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Good news is that if this book follows the path it looks like it could (with a hate sex story followed by a doesn’t do relationships story), I would sooooooooooooooooooooooo read the crap out of the next two stories. This was a fail, but I have hope there will be more good stuff to come in the future.

ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you, NetGalley!

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