My Dog: The Paradox by Matthew Inman

5 Stars

 

"The Oatmeal" should NOT make a person cry. But it did.

 

RIP to my beloved Potter.

(just like a human, she blinked almost every time her picture was taken)

Also to the current little buttholes who reside in my house and heart:

Harvey

and

Bad Bad Leroy Brown

I still love Mitchell more than both of you.

He has never pooped in the house.

Shattered by Tahereh Mafi

3 Stars

 

“Personal convictions were what nearly killed us all, is what they said. Convictions priorities preferences prejudices and ideologies divided us. Deluded us. Destroyed us. Selfish needs, wants, and desires need to be obliterated...”
This is the world in which Juliette lives. A world where there is no more freedom, where disease has wiped out massive numbers, where toxins have poisoned the land - therefore the food which everyone eats. A world that is regulated to the hilt. Juliette’s life is even worse than most since she has been locked in solitary confinement for 264 days for killing a child. Although an accident, Juliette’s touch has the ability to extinguish someone else’s life and since her parents no longer wanted her, she became the government’s problem. Everything has the potential to change, though, when another person is assigned to share her cell.

Shattered (a/k/a Rogue Finds a Boyfriend got a major bump up the TBR due to the fact that it seemed to be extremely polarizing. Although I don’t read reviews before I’ve read a book, I do check out how many stars various books earned from my GR compadres. Morbid curiosity leads me to immediately want to read something that has an overwhelming amount of either 1 Star or 5 Star ratings and not much in between. Boy did this one fit the bill!

Some things I know for certain. Things like I love me some YA and tales of dystopian societies suit me just fine. I wasn’t surprised to find myself not hating Shattered at the start. The world building was solid and there was a nice little hodge-podge of storylines running. Sometimes a little bit of everything is just what the doctor ordered and at least this one made no qualms that it was going to be lovey-dovey. Seriously, if you were deprived of human contact your entire life for fear of killing whoever you touched, wouldn’t one of your top priorities maybe be just being able to feel someone else’s skin (some days maybe even as much as you wanted food and sunshine)????

One thing that just JUMPED out at me was how much Tahereh Mafi likes WORDS. Lots of words. Most of them pretty simple, but a quantity that more than made up for the quality. I found myself flipping to the back cover to see if English was her first language. English offers plenty of opportunity to use 100 words when 10 would suffice, so I thought perhaps Mafi was very proud of how fluent she was in a second language. So much for that line of thinking. Turns out she’s from Connecticut. Huh. I let it ride for the first 100 pages or so, but eventually found that tiny sliver in my foot was starting to feel like an entire tree wedged under my skin. I’m a trooper, so I squirmed and complained my way through the excessive use of language only to find myself pleasantly surprised that around the 2/3 mark Mafi started getting to the point and cutting out the extra verbiage. And then things took an interesting twist. Interesting enough that I’m intrigued where Juliette’s story will lead in Book #2. Mafi has a new (old???? read it and you’ll understand) idea and I’m intrigued. Maybe even enough to break my rule of “Never Read Past Book #1 in a Series”, so I have to give her some props. The cover art, however, is almost unforgiveable. Lucky for Mafi/the publisher/the artist so many were reading this book. I would have NEVER picked up something that looked like an episode of “Project Runway” otherwise.

The Coldest Girl in Coldtown by Holly Black

2.5 Stars

Tana wakes up after attending a party and finds herself surrounded by dead bodies. Although vampires mainly live in secure cities called “Coldtowns”, it seems some either escaped or were rogue to begin with and had themselves a feast while she was passed out. The only other party-goers still living (????) are Tana’s bitten-but-not-yet-turned ex, Aidan, and a chained up vampire named Gavriel.

After escaping the party by the hair of a vampire’s teeth, Tana may be among the infected too so the threesome heads to the nearest Coldtown where Aidan plans on turning, Gavriel will seek revenge, and Tana will fight to save her humanity using any means necessary.

Well, that’s the synopsis. It’s been quite a long time since I delved in to the world of the undead and this one had me turning the pages. Tana seemed kinda kick-ass. There was a lot of action. The plot started off really fresh. The vampire scenes were awesomely bloodbathy and gross. And then . . . well, then it fell victim to the age-old girl hates vamps/girl is going to fight vamps/girl kills some vamps/girl falls in love with vamp. And of course she falls in love with him in like a nanosecond and he’s her soulmate and she just knows everything that’s in his heart and mind and






Basically, The Coldest Girl in Coldtown ended up being pretty much what I expected it to be, but hoped it wouldn’t. Except for the all-night vampire dance party that broadcasts on the internet. I would never have dreamed up that bit.


It earns its 2.5 Stars because it is well written, had a lot of potential, and is way better than some of the other vampire books out there (*cough* Vampire Diaries *cough* - talk about a TV show that’s way better than the books). I just really wanted this one to go in a different direction than was Holly Black’s plan.

When You Are Engulfed in Flames by David Sedaris

5 Stars

 

The funniest collection by David Sedaris that I’ve read so far. There just aren’t words to express how happy these books make me. Sedaris is by far my favorite humorist/essayist/columnist/whatever-ist you want to call him. His writing can turn my frown upside down and always leaves me laughing like a lunatic.

My infatuation actually began with another Sedaris – David’s sister Amy. Anyone who looks like this:

But prefers to get paid for looking something like this:

Is someone that I want to hang out with.

When I discovered her brother, I found there was enough love in my heart for multiple Sedaris-es.

Sadly, as much as I love dear David, it will most likely always be from afar. I have a huge phobia that if I meet a famous person that I adore, they will end up being an a$$hat.  I find myself each year sitting at the computer, hand hovering over the PayPal button, but always failing to purchase a ticket to one of his book readings/signings. Not only am I fearful that David will be a jerk, but that he will also discover I’m a huge nutter. Ours would be quite the ill-fated meet/cute with me screaming things like "why won't you love me????" while he runs away responding something along the lines of "because I'm gay, you crazy bitch, which you should be well aware of since you've been my borderline stalker for years now!" In addition, I would be forced to stand in line with a bunch of strangers mouthbreathing their germy breath on me – or even worse, having the gall to engage in small talk. Just UGH!

My David and I may never meet, but I will continue to stalk love him and shout my praise of his hilarious books from the rooftops.

Sidenote: This was my final selection for the Library's Winter Reading Challenge. "Stop Me If You've Read This One" was the theme this year and encouraged patrons to read books that might make them laugh. By completing my 5 books, I got a lovely little coffee mug that Mitchell promptly declared as his.


For those curious of my funny book choices for this challenge, they are as follows:

Skinny Dip by Carl Hiassen
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks by Adam Carolla
Man Up by Ross Mathews
When You Are Engulfed In Flames by David Sedaris (duh)
and
American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. I figure I'm probably on some Federal watch list anyway, so why not mix it up a bit and let them think there might really something to be scared of ; )

Man Up! Tales of My Delusional Self-Confidence by Ross Mathews

3 Stars

 

From being bullied as a kid to breaking into stardom as “Ross the Intern” and everything in between – Ross Mathews shares how he has “manned up” to various situations life has thrown him.

I’m not a Leno fan (but I can’t WAIT for Fallon to take over the timeslot, baby!) and have a love/hate relationship with Chelsea Handler (specifically, I hate her face and her voice, but I love reading her books), so my knowledge of Ross Mathews is from video snippets that have made their way to viral status on the interwebs and his appearance on “America’s Next Top Model” (don’t judge – wait, judge away ‘cause I know I would). Chosen as part of the Kansas City Public Library’s Winter Reading Challenge - the theme being “Stop Me If You’ve Read This One” (a/k/a funny books) – I picked this up because I had read most of the other “comedian books”.

What I discovered? Mathews’ is adorable. In fact, almost everything in this book is adorable. (Except for his friendship with Gwyneth Paltrow. I mean, seriously, of all the stars in all of La-La-Land, you choose “Goop” as the bestie of your dreams????) Warning: Good luck reading even one paragraph without Mathews’ voice in your head. If you don’t know what he sounds like, Google it. Truly unforgettable. 

The Name of the Star by Maureen Johnson

3.5 Stars

Rory’s parents have taken an opportunity to leave the swamps of Louisiana for life in England, so Rory will be attending boarding school. Lucky for her, this is an upper level school that students only attend for two years. Although her Southern accent will make her stand out and there will be a bit of culture shock, at least the students will only have known each other for a max of one year prior to her arrival. Rory finds herself settling in to life across the pond – classes are definitely harder, but she has made a few friends, a potential boyfriend, and they all have a common enemy – Charlotte, the head girl. All that changes when a Jack the Ripper copycat killer comes in to the picture – and Rory seems to be the only one who can see him.

If you have a pulse, you’ve heard about the horrible winter the entire United States has been having. Well, the giant snow dump finally made it to my neck of the woods and we had a couple of snow days. My first reading selection was in the “New Adult” category, which totally mortified my kid whenever he attempted to snag some Kindle time for himself and saw what I was reading. On snow day #2, he insisted (i) I read a paper book so he could play Minecraft for 17 hours straight and (ii) he could choose the book so he wouldn’t walk upstairs to find me 100 pages in to something horrifying like 50 Shades. That’s how I ended up reading The Name of the Star - complete with Dustin Pedroia baseball card/bookmark (sans beard, boo).


I originally grabbed Cloaked, but the kid said that one was crap and this one was good so I should read it instead. And guess what? Junior didn’t steer me wrong. It was good. Good enough that if he chooses to purchase (well, okay, have me purchase) and read book #2 in the series, I just might read it too. An added bonus to reading a pretty true “kid’s book” is you will look like an absolute MENSA member when you figure out what’s going on just a little ahead of time. I was blowing the boy’s mind with my ability to Scooby Doo the heck out of this story. Maybe he’ll remember what a braniac I am and won’t question me when I’m helping him with his homework next week!

Very Bad Things by Ilsa Madden-Mills

2.5 Stars

Nora is a rich girl who had some “very bad things” happen to her. I could spoiler alert all of you, but seriously, if you’re watching a dirty movie, you kinda know that the pizza guy is there to deliver more than pizza, right? Same with this book – there’s a big flashing neon light that says Nora was a victim of some brother-lovin’ that has her seriously f’d in the head. Feeling there is nothing left to lose, Nora decides to become the polar opposite of her ivy-league bound, beauty pageant winning image and makes a “bucket list” of sorts containing items such as drinking, drugs, tattoos and meaningless sex. When she meets Leo she feels an instant connection and is willing to change her plans of self destruction. However, Leo doesn’t seem to share her feelings.

Disclaimer: If you are a lover of the romance novel, this could very well earn a 5-Star rating. I’m a big fat meanie when it comes to the rating system, and just can’t allow myself to give an average book more than an average rating. However, I will say that Very Bad Things was just what I wanted to read at the moment and I tore right through it.

As I said, this one earns its 2.5 Stars by being a fairly well written romance that actually had a decent plot and very little “brown-chicken-brown-cow”

moments (just the way I like it). I seriously debated knocking it down half a star for the lame series name (“Briarcrest Academy”) that has almost NOTHING to do with the story, but I was nice. Nora is a Senior, who barely attends class, has an object of desire in the form of a schoolmate’s older brother, and the majority of the action takes place in the neighborhood where said leading male owns a gym and Nora’s aunt owns a bakery. I was expecting a story about poor little rich girl turned naughty at her hoity-toity school (like really naughty – I thought this was a “make me blush” kind of book), but that wasn’t the case at all.